is your mom at the bar?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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