Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
