Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
