I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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