I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
