turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
