Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
