Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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