I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
