dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
