I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
