Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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