No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So vagazzling was a success
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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