just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
