Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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