You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The power of my boobs compel you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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