Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
