Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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