I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
