First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
