Where is the hickey?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
