My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
