So drunk its hurt
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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