Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
