I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
