I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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