So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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