her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
