if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
