when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
