That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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