Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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