Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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