Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
