Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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