So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
