Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
