I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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