By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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