Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
