i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
