i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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