He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
