btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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