I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
