and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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