Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
