Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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