I skipped work to stalk him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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