How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
