Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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