apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
