He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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